LOCAL, STATE AND NATIONAL MUSINGS

Showing posts with label satire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label satire. Show all posts

Mar 3, 2011

Dream Location Announced


After being evasive during Wednesday's afternoon press conference, late last evening Mayor Pawlowski announced the actual location for the hockey arena. "It will be built on the perfect spot, the Lanta Transfer Lot. The arena will front on both 6th and 7th Streets and adjoin the existing large parking deck." Pressed for details, the facility developer said; "Why would we built on a sinkhole prone hill when there is a firm flat space one half block away? In addition to the obvious construction advantages, no private property would have to be acquired and taken off the tax rolls."  Contacted in New York City, the owner of the long dormant former Nickel and Dime Bank building was disappointed. "We haven't been able to rent one square inch since my impulsive purchase years ago. My family was looking forward to being taken off the hook."  Owners of the 7th Street properties toward Linden Street also expressed dismay.  "Does this mean we must fix up our buildings?"   Tamara Weller, Director of the Parking Authority was delighted. "I have waited many years to turn on the Full sign at the parking deck, hope it works." Armand Greco said that the bus transfer stops will return to Hamilton Street, "Where they belong."

            Daryl Nerl, Bob Wittman, Scott Kraus, Paul Muschick, Jarrett Renshaw and Chris Baxter contributed to this article.